I must say it’s odd to be so vulnerable. I have never really been one to share my feelings. I think some of my first post was surprising to even Trevor. I have to say though that typing, (actually I prefer pen to paper)things out is a lot easier than actually expressing with spoken words. It’s very tough for me to say what I really mean… you ever have a really good jab intended for an argument hit you three hours or so after the argument, and you wish you could go back just to win it? Yeah, that’s me, almost all the time.
My poor Trevor, here I am typing away in bed at almost 3 am as he’s softly snoring next to me. I don’t know what I would do without him. He’s so understanding of what I went through a year ago, and he is with me all the way to my VBAC. With valentine’s day approaching, I’m reminded how in love with him I am. We’re supposed to have our annual sushi night sometime near valentines day, but I’m not supposed to eat sushi. Hmmm… What a conundrum. Maybe I’ll just do vegetarian rolls. Okay… rambling a little. (what do you expect? It’s three in the morning)
As I think about how I am 29 weeks along tomorrow, and I have less than three months to go I question myself constantly. Can I actually go through with a VBAC? Will I be too scared to labor well… Will I be thinking uterine rupture, uterine rupture, uterine rupture…? This voice in my head telling me what I want isn’t safe for me or my baby. Is this voice one I should listen to, or one that I should ignore? Is this the voice of the Holy Spirit, or something much less holy?
Until now I have been completely at peace with attempting a VBAC. Should I now be concerned or just keep going like I have been?
These are the questions of an insomniac pregnant woman.
My Journey to Healing Through a VBAC 
I’m enjoying reading your blogs :-). I think you’re feelings are very natural. I hope my voicing the risks of the VBAC aren’t adding too much to your confusion……I’m all for the VBAC. I just remember the disappointment I felt when Liz had to be a c-section and know that hyping yourself up for the VBAC can only cause the same disappointment. I think someone posted about the importance of just having a healthy baby and not getting caught up in the how he gets here. It’s all scary, the not knowing, but women do vbacs all the time. I learned that Horton does them although it’s not something they prefer to do, however Westchester is all for going naturally. What doctor are you seeing now? The more I have problems the more I’m realizing the importance of having someone who has the same views as you. I don’t think it’s too late to switch so if your doc isn’t on your side than now is the time to find someone who will be in your corner. Well now I”m rambling. Oh and I’m still happy to watch Fiona for you so you can have your Valentine Date….and you don’t have to worry about swapping. We can’t afford to do anything now anyway 🙂 Let me know
Heather, just popped over from your facebook posting….I would like to encourage you to keep seeking the Lords face in this, His plans for you are to ……”prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. We are not called to a spirit of fear and worry….but to a spirit of peace and truth. “I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4). It is hard in this world to cling to these truths but that is what we as Christians are called to do. I would encourage you to pray and search for more scriptures that speak to you on this and keep them before your eyes at all times….the enemy would love to keep you in a spot of fear but Gods word can protect you from that.
I also encourage you to check out Above Rubies…..you can sign up for their free magazine…here http://aboverubies.org Their goal is to encourage you as a mom, wife and daughter of the king….they have many articles on their website as well for you to read.
I will be lifting you up in prayer and I know that God is going to use this to perfect Himself in you.
Be blessed!! Alisa