I must say it’s odd to be so vulnerable. I have never really been one to share my feelings. I think some of my first post was surprising to even Trevor. I have to say though that typing, (actually I prefer pen to paper)things out is a lot easier than actually expressing with spoken words. It’s very tough for me to say what I really mean… you ever have a really good jab intended for an argument hit you three hours or so after the argument, and you wish you could go back just to win it? Yeah, that’s me, almost all the time.
My poor Trevor, here I am typing away in bed at almost 3 am as he’s softly snoring next to me. I don’t know what I would do without him. He’s so understanding of what I went through a year ago, and he is with me all the way to my VBAC. With valentine’s day approaching, I’m reminded how in love with him I am. We’re supposed to have our annual sushi night sometime near valentines day, but I’m not supposed to eat sushi. Hmmm… What a conundrum. Maybe I’ll just do vegetarian rolls. Okay… rambling a little. (what do you expect? It’s three in the morning)
As I think about how I am 29 weeks along tomorrow, and I have less than three months to go I question myself constantly. Can I actually go through with a VBAC? Will I be too scared to labor well… Will I be thinking uterine rupture, uterine rupture, uterine rupture…? This voice in my head telling me what I want isn’t safe for me or my baby. Is this voice one I should listen to, or one that I should ignore? Is this the voice of the Holy Spirit, or something much less holy?
Until now I have been completely at peace with attempting a VBAC. Should I now be concerned or just keep going like I have been?
These are the questions of an insomniac pregnant woman.